she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
