I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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