JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
