just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
