New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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