I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
