Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
