Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Someone came in the potted fern
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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