Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
