I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
