3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
