pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
im holly from the hills drunk
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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