Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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