if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
