Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
