We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
