I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
