The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
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did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
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Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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