my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize