I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
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