I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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