In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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