do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
