I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
