Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
