he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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