No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
