New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Is it because I queefed?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
