I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Randomize
