How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
