On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
