Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
