His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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