i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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