So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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