meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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