i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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