Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
