we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
