I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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