question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
