I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The beer is more important than you right now.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
