the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
