Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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