I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
