Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
