Whod you bang
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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