if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
