remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
