scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
