Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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