I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
