I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
