I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
