How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize