The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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