My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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