When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
