I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
