Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
