i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
