If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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