Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
