I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Never joke about your clitoris.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
