The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
