I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
