Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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