At least make sure they are 18
Why
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
