Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
