Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
